I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
