Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
