I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
