I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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