I don't usually arrange sex via text message
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
tell me about the eggs
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
