we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The adults are the big ones right?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
