you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
