apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
