the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
