if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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