Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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