I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
