More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Boobs are out for the taking
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize