she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
