my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
