This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
