Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
