Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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