I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
