my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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