im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
