omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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