if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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