that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
