I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
