you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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