Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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