am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
