a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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