I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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