Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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