Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
