Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
