a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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