If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
