ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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