Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
