I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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