Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
