You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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