Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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