Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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