It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
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stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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