does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
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Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
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Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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