I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
