I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
