Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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