Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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