6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he thought i was a dude.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
ok first of all what the fuck
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
