i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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