What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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