Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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