My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
