i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
