WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
