I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
