I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
