she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Did I show you my penis last night?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
