If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
