i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
