Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
