Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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