Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
