If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
